Bosnia convention highlights low quality of domestic terrorism

Bosnia's textbook example of a low-quality terrorist, this man attacked a building with an assault rifleBosnia's textbook example of a low-quality terrorist, this man attacked a building with an assault rifle

SARAJEVO – A Saudi-sponsored Islamist conference in the capital of Bosnia and Herzegovina highlighted the long-time burning problem that the country faces – the low quality of the country’s domestic terrorism.

Leading experts on terrorism theory and practice from Bosnia and abroad have identified that laziness, low casualty numbers, overall ineptness and lack of practice are the key reasons behind the low performance of Bosnia’s home-grown terrorist plots.

Bosnia has a long history of lacklustre performance in the field of terror. In 2011 a Wahhabi terrorist attacked the facade of the United States embassy in Sarajevo, using the destructive power of a single Kalashnikov assault rifle. Unlike any of its occupants, the building’s facade was gravely wounded in the attack that lasted an entire 30 minutes, the only thing getting wounded even more that day was the pride of Bosnia’s police force which was hiding behind cover the whole time while the attacker stood in the middle of the street and fired shots using the renowned jihadist “Insha’allah” method of aiming.

It was only after the single police sniper in Sarajevo had finished his coffee, cleaned his Mosin-Nagant, arrived to the scene and wounded the attacker in the leg that the situation was resolved. Great psychological damage was caused to the masons dispatched to the scene to repair the bullet holes in the outer walls of the building. “I’ve never seen anything like this….there were….fragments of facade….everywhere,” one tear-eyed mason said before vomiting.

More attacks occurred in 2015, the first one in April. Following a thoroughly thought-out and organized attack plan, a Bosniak man shouting “Allahu akbar” attacked a police station head on with a rifle and killed one policeman before being shot dead. The Interior Ministry of Republika Srpska (the Serb autonomous region within Bosnia and Herzegovina where the attack occurred) decried this attack as the worst atrocity in the history of the world.

Two more attacks happened after the November Paris attacks. In the first one a man killed two soldiers with an automatic rifle, then shot at a passing bus full of people, killing nobody, and finally ran away home where he committed suicide with a grenade while under police siege, in a way that ISIL later pronounced shameful – in a room with no other people.

The final attack was a hand grenade attack on a vehicle carrying a Bosnian Army general. The grenade was thrown from another moving car as both were passing through a tunnel. It bounced off a wall and caused hideous damage to the white line on the road, the kind unseen since the end of the war in Bosnia. The wall sustained a bruise.

All of these examples were shown at the conference and reasons for the failures of these attacks were explored. “One killed? And then two? And then none?! Horrible casualty performance! We must remember that in the field of terrorism, quantity is quality!” an Al-Nusra expert at the conference said.

“That guy couldn’t even kill anyone in a bus full of people while spraying it with automatic fire,” another expert said and continued criticizing the attacker: “Then he ran away home like a kuffar pussy and blew himself up alone! I mean, it’s a wonder he didn’t call in a US airstrike to blow him up!” Laughter spread across the conference hall, but then an expert from Bosnia reminded everyone present that this is a serious problem for the country. “We have all the predispositions, yet still our terrorism is just horrible, I’m very sad to say. I was hoping that flying on the wings of the Paris attacks, our country could at least be the leading country in something in Europe, but apparently there is still much work to be done before Bosnia is able to become a recognized terrorism brand. How can we hope to export terrorism one day if we can’t even do it properly at home?” the expert said and blamed Saudi Arabia for sending third-rate foreign mujahideen to Bosnia during the Bosnian War.

Among the recommendations for the improvement of the quality and impact of terrorism in Bosnia, the experts present at the conference proposed inviting expert terrorists to lectures in Sarajevo, scholarships for sending students to learn the ins and outs of terrorism in Mosul ISIL University, internships in the growing terrorism market of Libya, attacking Bosniak villages and blaming it on the Serbs and Croats, initiating a “Military Surplus for Knowledge and Experience” exchange program between Bosnia and Syrian jihadists, petitioning the US to provide TOW missiles and launchers to moderate Bosnian terrorists and the building of a Jihadist University in the city of Zenica with aid from Saudi Arabia. The Iranian embassy in Sarajevo was proposed as a training center.

A Bosniak studying at Mosul ISIL University who has come home to Sarajevo on a shell shock break gave a speech at the conference, commenting on the merits of ISIL’s education system: “It’s really well organized and divided into meaningful categories. I just finished the beheading classes and the drawing of an imperfect circle class, and I’ll soon start with the improvised explosives classes and the exotic methods of execution classes. One day I hope to specialize in war spoils and slave management and to get a job as a Yazidi slave broker. I have to study hard as I don’t want to get stuck as being just an antique broker like my older brother. It’s a safe job as you never get bombed, but also dull because there’s almost never any screaming, which is definitely not why I signed up for the Jihad.”

The conference concluded with the Al-Nusra expert getting into a fight with the ISIL student outside the conference hall, but the fight was soon resolved after both of them cursed the other one’s “Kurdish mother”, after which they both started laughing and reconciled.