Egypt promises to defend Assad from Turkey and Saudi Arabia as Sinai insurgents besiege Cairo

The cannon in the background was not part of the single-assault-rifle weapons deal that the presidents of Russia and Egypt made in February 2015The cannon in the background was not part of the single-assault-rifle weapons deal that the presidents of Russia and Egypt made in February 2015

CAIRO – Egypt is ready to stand with Russia and Syrian President Bashar al-Assad “with all its military might” against any possible Turkish-Saudi intervention, the spokesman Egyptian Office of the Legitimately Elected and Universally Loved Hands-Clean Democratic Totally-Not-Like-Mubarak President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi said on Egyptian television, right before the program went off the air due to the electrical power supply to Cairo being cut by ISIL-affiliated Sinai insurgents which have besieged the city.

The Egyptian support pledge comes after Turkey and Saudi Arabia have threatened a military invasion of Syria to “help the Syrian people achieve their aims of a free, democratic, Islamist extremist Syria free of Kurdish trickery, as well as to help President Assad’s head become liberated from the oppression of his body, and also to possibly fight ISIL a bit too if it can fit into the budget”.

Turkey and Saudi Arabia have threatened a major escalation of their role in Syria, then redirected journalists to ask Washington any questions about the details they might have. The two countries later said that they will indeed invade Syria and are just waiting for “at least the US, UK and at least 100% of the Gulf Cooperation Council countries to confirm their participation as well”. The Saudi Defense Minister Mohammad bin Salman al-Saud said that he is celebrating his “two years before becoming a man grown” event and that in light of that all of those countries were already added to the “attack Syria” Facebook group and are expected to participate, especially Oman.

Egyptian authorities have refused to comment about how they will support Syria when recently the ISIL-affiliated Sinai insurgents have captured much of the country and besieged its capital, as well as downed another civilian airliner with an exploding pencil. Egyptian President Al-Sisi’s only comment to the insurgency was that he wished Vladimir Putin had given him another Kalashnikov rifle. We remind our readers that the Russian President gifted Al-Sisi a Kalashnikov assault rifle when he visited him a year ago, the rifle was in commemoration of the tragic shooting of 700 Egyptian military and police in the streets of Cairo by unarmed protesters, and said that this gift is meant to make Egypt a much safer place.

Egypt has employed an incoherent foreign policy regarding Saudi Arabian interventions in other countries, supporting Assad’s pro-Iranian regime in Syria, but at the same time supporting Saudi Arabia in Yemen against pro-Iranian Houthi rebels, as part of Egypt’s strategy to “confuse and disorient the Kingdom”, the Egyptian Ministry of Flirting With While Fighting Against Salafists has said.

Saudi Arabia has also earlier this week threatened that Russia will be unable to protect Assad, implying that Saudi Arabia is ready to go all the way to Damascus to depose the Syrian President, though this is queued behind the Kingdom’s goal of defeating a band of several dozen Yemeni Houthi rebels in sandals that have reached the outskirts of Riyadh.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel has urged all sides to show restraint, and invited all of the country leaders to her home to try out her own home-baked “Luftwaffles” and to discuss issues in a peaceful and civilized setting. Turkey agreed on the condition that the Syrian Kurds can only negotiate on the side of ISIL, and not on the side of the regime or other opposition.

Meanwhile, Turkey tried shelling the Kurdish-majority SDF forces in northern Syria by artillery from across the border, but the Russian S-400 anti-air systems shot down all of the Turkish artillery shells mid-flight.