Moderate rebel spotted in Idlib

Al-Nusra rebels searching for moderate rebels that the US could arm in Idlib provinceAl-Nusra rebels searching for moderate rebels that the US could arm in Idlib province

IDLIB – A moderate Syrian rebel was spotted in Syria’s Idlib city, local activists have reported, and the news has sent waves of euphoria throughout western countries which are opposed to Assad.

The moderate rebel was supposedly seen at a checkpoint, with his hands bound and in the company of three armed Al-Nusra fighters. Western analysts believe that the rebel had or was in the process of converting the Al-Nusra fighters to moderatism.

Despite being 70,000 in number, moderate rebels have not been seen in Syria’s north-western rebel controlled territories in more than six months. Many western countries such as the United States, United Kingdom and France however dispute this. The French Foreign Minister recently stated that all of the rebels in Aleppo and Idlib provinces are moderates , because they fight ISIL.

“Syria is a complex place and it’s easy for a layman to be led off track by its complexity. Don’t let their strict application of Sharia law, killings of Druze and other religious minorities, massacres in Latakia, beheadings, cannibalism, equating democracy with apostasy which is punishable by death, collusion with ISIL until 2014, shooting teenagers in the head for cursing, calls to exterminate the Alawites, running jihad-themed schools for eight year old boys who are brought up to become martyrs or suicide bombers and of course their Al-Qaeda membership confuse you, they are indeed moderate pro-democracy rebels. I mean, they’re fighting ISIL, and as we all know ISIL are the extremists,” – the minister said.

The United States has expressed great optimism about the news, and said it has already made plans to arm this rebel with 20 TOW rocket launchers and 80 rockets, as well as 250 assault and sniper rifles, 50 hand grenades, 10 MANPADS launchers and possibly several armored cars.

“This proves that moderate rebels are still very much a thing and that they never really disappeared,” – a Pentagon official told us. “They are like the Anonymous. They are nowhere, but they are everywhere. This goes far beyond this one spotted rebel, what we need to do is empower the 70,000 anonymous and invisible ones, and by empower I mean air dropping 1250 pallets of arms and ammunition. The cargo planes have already taken off. We learn from past mistakes, the solution is more faith and optimism,” the official said.