Single Houthi rocket kills over half of Qatari Armed Forces in Yemen

AD-DALI – A single Houthi rebel Tochka tactical ballistic missile strike has killed more than 900 Saudi-led anti-Houthi coalition personnel in Yemen’s southern town of Dali, sources on the ground have reported.

Many high ranking officers of the Saudi-led coalition are baffled about how something like this could have happened again. We remind our readers that over 100 soldiers, including 52 United Arab Emirates troops, lost their lives in a previous single Houthi rocket attack in September which hit an arms depot, obliterating two thirds of the overall UAE military personnel and plunging the country into a migrant worker rebellion, which ultimately led to a coup and to the renaming of the country into “West Nepal”. This was not the only absurdly large loss of life for the coalition from a single strike, as later on 14 December another such strike killed over 150 coalition soldiers.

Among the casualties of today’s attack were 37 Qatari Armed Forces soldiers and officers, out of 59 which is the total number of all Qatari military personnel anywhere, initiating an internal crisis in Qatar which echoes that of the UAE. “Who will keep the south Asian slaves in check now?” a source close to the Emir told us, “We have less than half our Army to recall in case of trouble! We only have a dozen police officers and six reservists and we urgently need more security personnel to keep the slaves from spreading corruption and mischief through unreasonable demands such as housing with a population density of less than 9 slaves per square meter.” The same source also mentioned that Qatar is in the hasty process of constructing a bridge to Bahrain so that Saudi troops could march over faster to quell any potential unrest.

A preliminary internal Coalition investigation of this incident found that this time the Coalition soldiers had built barracks out of boxes of explosives and fences out of Grad rockets and rope, because they deemed that the “barefoot Shia savages” were hardly a threat to be taken seriously. “I’ll let my wife out of the house before I take the Houthis seriously,” a Saudi officer said in an interview a week ago, adding: “What are they going to do, throw rocks at us?” This in turn sparked a diplomatic row with Israel, which wasted no time with formally complaining to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia over the soldier’s “insensitive and provocative” words, reminding that Israeli soldiers face the deadly scourge of rock throwing on a daily basis, that thrown rocks have devastated entire Israeli families and endangered Israel’s right to exist. Israel later bombed Gaza in retaliation to the Saudi soldier’s comment.

In response to this latest incident in Yemen, Angola has pledged its support and 3000 soldiers to the Saudi coalition. “We must cherish our undeniable historical, cultural and geographical ties with Saudi Arabia and the Arab world,” Angolan President Jose Eduardo dos Santos has said at a press conference; “Saudi Arabia has always been the regional beacon of democracy and is proving this by working hard to reinstate president Hadi. This is why we are willing to send our children to die for the noble Saudi cause. We are doing this on our own initiative and we were definitely never offered any money, bribes or deals by the Saudi government!”