Syrian Democratic Forces renounce the use of violence, say US airstrikes are enough

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KOBANE – The Kurdish-majority Syrian Democratic Forces (SDF) have issued a statement in which they claim to have renounced the use of violence and weapons in their battle against the Islamic State, saying the US air support that the SDF gets is more than enough to defeat ISIL alone.

A high-ranking SDF commander made the following comment: “During our latest offensive [on Tishrin dam] we barely even saw the enemy, they all either got blown up by America or ran away. Our only casualty was a soldier that fell off a mountain as he was carelessly shooting at a distant fleeing ISIL vehicle. If he hadn’t been shooting, he would still be alive! He never even hit the car, and it got blown up by an airstrike minutes later anyway!” The commander was alluding to a soldier who succumbed to Interesting Landscape Induced Fascination and Recklessness Disorder last week, a common issue SDF fighters around Tishrin face.

Moments after this video ends, one of the SDF soldiers tumbled over a rock and fell to his death because he used weapons.

“Guns are dangerous. They serve no purpose for us in this war anymore, so why have them around?” – another commander said and added: “We lost 1650% more of our soldiers due to gun-related accidents than the number of ISIL fighters we killed during the last year. We are sending all our soldiers home to rest and relax, and when the US decides to liberate another area for us they will notify us so that we can walk in, film videos and hoist flags. We won’t be bringing guns, but we will be bringing food, musical instruments and blankets, especially if it’s another landscape with any sort of vertical features.”

Ever since the battle for Kobane, the airstrikes of the US and its European anti-ISIL allies have been responsible for 99,9998% of ISIL losses in areas neighboring formerly Kurdish YPG, and now united SDF territory, while the YPG/SDF have directly killed only four ISIL fighters in the same period. Out of non-European allies pledging their allegiance to the fight against ISIL, only Jordan has two confirmed ISIL kills from the day after their captured pilot was burned to death by ISIL a year ago. Both kills were allegedly made with extreme prejudice by a single aircraft flown by King Abdullah II himself.

Other Arab anti-ISIL coalition members Saudi Arabia, Qatar and the UAE have cited “lack of fuel and money” as the reason why they have been unable to strike ISIL during the last year, although Qatar promised it will commit after it’s done with the urgent matter of constructing a solid gold artificial island in the shape of an oryx trampling an eagle with two stars for its eyes. Turkey scored no ISIL hits but did say it killed 42 SDF soldiers and destroyed 19 SDF vehicles by accident since it got involved. Turkey claimed it missed ISIL targets because the SDF “wouldn’t stay put” and encroached on territory where ISIL assets targeted by Turkey were.