Tree falls on car during storm in Poland, ISIL claims responsibility

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LOMZA – An evergreen tree got toppled during a violent storm and fell on a car in eastern Poland, local news has reported. The car was heavily damaged, but no one was injured. Hours later, the Islamic State claimed responsibility for the attack and promised that more such attacks will follow.

This attack comes a week after ISIL admitted to causing a flood due to a broken pipe at a children’s daycare center in Rome, Italy, which ruined furniture, and two weeks since an auxiliary space toilet on the International Space Station failed, which ISIL also claimed to be responsible for.

A masked ISIL member claimed in a video that they had used an advanced miniature leave-no-trace improvised explosive device to blow up the tree during the thunderstorm, using the thunder to mask the sound of the explosion and hence delay the response of authorities.

“This is just the beginning. Know that we are everywhere. Every time a tree falls, every time someone’s dog dies, every time an elder slips on ice and breaks their hip, every time your computer overheats and every time your toe nail gets caught against your blanket, know that it was us!” the fighter threatened while showing a pencil with two wires protruding from its tip, claiming that this was the kind of improvised explosive device in question. Military and explosives experts have confirmed that the item is indeed a pencil with two wires attached.

Polish Prime Minister Beata Szydlo immediately banned the internet as a security precaution and compared European leaders to Hitler’s Nazi government, while the Russian Federation and the United Kingdom suspended all flights to and from Poland.

The country also suffered a massive drop in new tourist arrivals. “We’re too scared do go to Poland now,” an American tourist in Germany, asking to be identified simply as Mike, said with his wife and children at his side. “I mean yes, the chances of getting caught up in something like this are 0.0000001%, but what if it happens that it is exactly us who are that 0.0000001%!?” Seconds later, Mr. Mike got struck by lightning and was rushed off to hospital in critical condition.

Turkish President Erdogan offered condolences to Poland and denounced the Kurdish YPG, blaming their members who were “trained in Damascus by Assad personally” for the attack in Lomza.

ISIL later claimed responsibility for the lightning strike.