ANKARA – An avid Pokemon Go enthusiast group within the Turkish Armed Forces, nicknamed the “Pokemon Go Brigade”, was unable to catch Turkish President Erdogan after a hectic night of chasing him through Turkey via the mentioned mobile phone video game.
One of the Turkish military Pokemon Go enthusiasts said that they first got a report of a glimpse of the elusive Erdogan Pokemon sneaking around the Parliament building in Ankara. After mobile phone wielding troops that were dispatched to capture it failed to track it and resorted to using tanks to expose the Pokemon from its cover, another sighting of Erdogan was reported at the Presidential Palace. Turkish military jets with jury rigged Samsung phone modifications to their heads-up-displays swiftly bombed the area in a bid to tackle the Pokemon and destroy potential hiding places. The Brigade also assumed control of a TV station in order to appeal to the public to report sightings of the Pokemon.
Reports then arose that Erdogan was heading to Istanbul, after which the Pokemon Go brigade set up road blocks on the two bridges spanning the Bosphorus. The cornered Erdogan Pokemon then used its strongest attack “summon latent Islamists” and its secondary attack “summon people who maybe hate you but don’t want their country to be Egypt”. These attacks turned the tables on the military Pokemon Go brigade, ensnaring them and allowing the Erdogan Pokemon to escape.
The Erdogan Pokemon then itself assumed the role of Pokemon Master and through its summoned phone-armed minions started a comprehensive “catch them all” campaign, targeting all the known varieties of “suspicious military type Pokemon”, as well as „human rights Pokemon”, “inconvenient judge Pokemon”, “common decency Pokemon” and “Pokemon that talk too much” (includes “journalist Pokemon” as well as all Pokemon that know more words than their name). The campaign has yielded great success due to earlier experience of capturing “communist Kurd Pokemon” in Nusaybin.
The Erdogan Pokemon blames the always-scheming Team Gulen for the attempted capture and for being behind the Pokemon Go Brigade itself. “Erdogan Erdogan Erdogan. Erdogan. Erdogan! Erdogan! Eeeeerdogaaaaan!”, the Erdogan Pokemon said in a televised speech.