ISTANBUL – Turkish President Erdogan has issued a formal apology for yesterday’s cross-border shelling of ISIL forces by the Turkish military. Positions of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant in Jarabulus have been hit by several Turkish artillery strikes which caused minor damage to buildings and one fighter’s beard.
President Erdogan said that only due to the Turkish army’s swift realization of the mistake and adjustment of aim towards the Kurdish YPG held areas was further tragedy avoided. The Daily Scimitar’s sources have confirmed that the entire leadership of the Turkish Armed Forces has again been sacked and imprisoned for treason.
As part of the Turkish apology, a humanitarian convoy of 100 vehicles was also sent over the border to ISIL-held Jarabulus, to help repair the shrapnel holes in the buildings and to trim the ISIL fighter’s damaged beard in an appealing yet non-infidel way. Mr. Erdogan also boasted that several investigative journalists have been quickly sentenced to “preventive imprisonment” in order to be unable to “sabotage the humanitarian effort.”